My life changed the minute I found out I was pregnant. This was when I was 5 months in. Most people didn't understand how I could go for so many months without noticing anything but DENIAL AIN'T JUST THE RIVER IN EGYPT. I was on double protection. I was on birth control (not for the actual birth control) for my acne and also using protection. So you can imagine how shocked I was to find out I had a little human growing inside me and how traumatized I was to find out it had been in there for 5 months. Needless to say my mother wasn't pleased, I wasn't pleased but I quickly had to accept because there wasn't enough time left till the little love of my life was born.
Pregnancy was exhausting and challenging but not as much as being mom. "Atleast you still get to sleep whenever you want", an ex colleague commented when I complained about how tired I was and boy was she right!.
The first 2 nights after giving birth I was scared to sleep because I was breastfeeding so I didn't want to smother her. That coupled with anxiety and the nurses waking you up every 4hours to check if baby has pooped or peed there was definitely not enough sleep. I quickly got discharged and I was excited and nervous to bring baby home. I can safely say that maybe the first 2weeks things were OK. I was managing. Mom took leave and was helping here and there. The 3rd week all hell broke loose. Baby was crying, no scratch that, she was screaming almost every day around the same time, early evening. We later found out she was colicky and had to change her formula. It took about 2 weeks to see some changes.
Our first "milestone" was the 6week checkup /vaccination. Now I could start saying baby Langa is 1 month and X weeks. I never understood mothers that used weeks instead of months or years for a baby's age. No Becky, your baby is a year old NOT 12 MONTHS Old.
I digress, this was around the time that I declined a job placement in Witbank Mpumalanga (yes I declined the offer, Yes it was crazy and yes I regretted it). I couldn't begin to digest leaving my new born baby right before her 6 week check up. I took the decision, I took it alone and looking back now it was selfish but it was well worth it.
When she approached 2 months of age I started to feel a little better about certain things . Her colic was getting better but the crying wasn't By the time she turned 3 months we just figured she was a naturally a crier. During my pregnancy people used to tell me I shouldn't eat spicy food because my baby would cry A LOT. I of course never believed this but Langa proved this to be true,for me at least. Nothing has changed she still cries a lot right around the same time of the day , you just learn to deal with it.
When we got to 4months I felt a little more confident with certain things. I felt like I knew her a bit better and we had gotten used to each other. I was content with that but I was still unemployed and was starting to knock on depression's door. I was broke all the time. I spent half my savings on useless things and the other half on my driver's license. My partner and I were on shakey ground. A baby either strengthens or breaks a relationship and for us it did the latter . I felt alone most of the time mainly because of the distance because ours was a long distance relationship. I felt misunderstood, I felt cheated of my freedom, I felt robbed of my life. My life changed and his was still the same for, the most part. That destroyed me. I was tired bitter, sad, broke and angry but the relationship I had with my daughter and God was getting better and better by the day so it wasn't all bad.
When she turned 5 months I started praying and fasting a lot more. It helped me deal with a LOT of things. I believe it helped me get the job I have now. My happiness didn't last for long because right after the 5 month mark she started teething and that my friends is the most rewarding, most painful time for both you and the baby. I must say though that things got really stressful just last week when she started getting loose stools and vomiting. Of course all this had to happen when I had just started work. I am glad she is teething and hitting these milestones BUT does it have to be this hectic?? She is doing a whole lot better thanks to 2 medical consultations, countless oral rehydrations and some form of mental breakdown on my part . I do have to add that I also fell sick at some point during this whole debacle so it really got intense for a second there. I should add that she can sit on her own now (when supervised of course), she has 2 baby teeth out now and I think this time next week we will have 3. I am a proud, exhausted but proud mom.
We will see you again in 6months for another baby diaries/ update.
Hope you enjoyed reading 😊
