This whole year has literally been a shitty year. I ended 2016 in such a high and was ready and prepared to carry on with that high in 2017. Little did I know 2017 had some uncomfortable changes for me. I moved to a different city, lost a couple of friends along the way, I lost myself along the way too along with my personal fashion sense which I touched on in a recent blog post. 

I have literally been feeling uncomfortable the whole year. I moved into a place I hated wholeheartedly beginning of the year and stayed there for about 3 months (longest 3months of my life). The guy that was renting the place hasn't paid back my deposit which absolutely pains me till this day, what a duschebag!!

I moved into the space that I am in now and I am quite comfortable and happy here. 

The one thing that has been a recurring theme in my life this year is change and all of it has made me feel so uncertain about everything. When I started my internship at a predominately indian place I found it very hard to fit in and I guess belong. All the other interns were either white or Indian and the black people working there told me how there hasn't been a black intern there in years. that threw me off. I became so insecure and I still am to be quite honest. I was anxious and hyper aware of everything I was doing at all times. I didn't want to be known as the "incompetent black intern" but that happened inevitably anyway. The unhappiness at work poured into every aspect of my life. It knocked my self esteem off. I am still in quite a fragile state right now but I am way better than I was beginning of my internship.

Being a working intern ultimately meant that I'd be earning big bucks now and I'll be able to have and afford the lifestyle and fashion sense that I have always wanted and planned for. I was dead wrong. Firstly paying rent sucks so much and I never knew how much working a 5days a work from half7 in the morning to sometimes half5 in the evening can take out of you. I was tired aaaaall the time. I had no desire to go out or dress up, let alone go shopping for clothes. I had to start buying furniture and appliances and interesting enough that was actually the one thing I would rather do. Right at this moment I am in my over sized pyjama top having just declined going to the beach with a friend. The beach might I add is one of the reasons why I moved here. 

Moving from Johannesburg also meant that I was now going to be in a long distance relationship and that sucked so much. I am happy to say though that the boyfriend and I have survived thus far and we celebrated our 1 year anniversary just last month. 

I am just going to end this blog post right here and abruptly so because I am starting to feel a little vulnerable here. I have definitely shared more in this post (by choice of course) than I have in the past. It is quite therapeutic but also scary and will take a little getting used to.