Happy New Year everybody! I hope the new year is treating you well so far. Mine is going relatively well. It was my daughter's birthday on the 26th of January. I was just a ball of emotions that day, good and bad. I am so grateful for God's favour in our lives. Honestly, I don't know where I would have been if it was for his love, goodness and mercy. The past 4 years have been such a roller-coaster and some of you have had a front-row seat to the whole journey via this blog. As she turns 4 I look back with so much gratitude. I don't even know how loaded this blog post will be because I blogged most of my experiences last year.

Apparently when they turn 4 the tantrums get better, lol I am yet to see that. She is still throwing tantrums and I am still having a hard time not taking it personally. I know better I just have to do better. I also need to do better with forgiving myself sooner and learning the lesson faster. What do I mean by this? Well on her birthday we were running a bit late for school and work because I was taking pictures and trying to make sure everything for her little party at school was in the car. When we eventually got to school I was rushing through everything and I did scold her a little because she wanted to run after a ballon that was heading straight to traffic. As I drove off from her school I felt a huge weight on my heart, regret, about how I handled the situation. could have been more gentle, more loving at that moment because she didn't know any better. It took a while for me to recover from that. I called the school just to check how she was doing, also to ease my guilty conscience. After that I affirmed myself, I am doing my best and I will do better next time, I forgave myself and took count of all the things I got right that day. 

One thing I am excited about this year was getting help. I got a stay in helper and I don't know why I did not do this sooner because I am in a much better space already. I can focus on being a mom, a present mom and not have to worry about the dishes and the laundry. I don't have to spend all my free time tyding up instead of resting or spending time with my daughter. A lot of people made me feel bad about getting help, a lot of people being the older women I know. They reckon I am being lazy and 1 child does not warrant the help. I disagree of course. I need and want the help. For my sanity, I need to be able to come home and relax and focus on one thing. Parenting is also a full-time job you know so it's not like I get to kick back and not have to worry about a single thing. 

We also moved to a bigger space this year, big enough for the 3 of us. It's a lovely complex and Langa found friends the first day she got there. I am really happy about that because my baby loves to play and she loves being surrounded by other kids. She calls them "abantu bami", her people. There's been a few incidents here and there because kids can be mean but all things considered, I'm happy because she seems happy. One thing I have learnt though is that never get involved in their little squabbles, only when it gets physical which hasn't happened because they always manage to fix their problems soon after the fact and you are just left there confused. Just listen, nod and react accordingly. 

The first few nights in this house she slept in my bed, which she peed in by the way. I wanted her to feel comfortable in the house first before I let her sleep alone in her room. Now the problem is she doesn't want to move back into her own space. She probably sleeps there 3 out of the 7 days and on the other 4 days, she wakes up in the middle of the night to sneak into my bed. I love my daughter right but she is a terrible sleeper. She will sleep on top of you, she doesn't like to be covered by the blanket and she will have all her limbs in 4 different directions. As much as I would love to cuddle her to sleep I need to be able to sleep and relax too. On some nights when I am not exhausted enough to sleep through it I take her back to her bed. It takes a little effort but I get it done. 

I am looking forward to this year especially having free time and weekends to spend with my baby. In hindsight, I don't know how I managed to stay sane last year because it feels so much better this side of life. I sat up one morning and I realised that I am living in one of my prayers right now. The space I am in right now, both physically and mentally, is something I have been thinking about and planning for the whole of 2021. This euphoria I am feeling, I hope it lasts long because I like it here. 

We have come to the end of this post, I want to thank you all for the support you have shown me in 2021. It was a great encouragement. I appreciate every single view, comment and share. I wish you all a great and memorable (in a good way) 2022. 

Thanks for reading