GIRL ABOUT LIFE BLOG

I started the maintenance journey in 2021 November. When I say it is a journey I am not trying to be cute it really is a journey and I am not even halfway through. The decision had been reeling in my mind for half of 2021, part of my reasons for not going sooner was the thought that I was above that mess. I tried so hard to convince myself that the money he was providing was not bad. I tried to understand the whole situation and probably ended up with him sending that little money in the first place because I was too understanding. Typing this is getting me so worked up that I have no idea how I am going to finish this post. Before going to maintenance I did try speaking to him on several occasions but it was all in vain in fact instead of hearing me he was always combative and I had reached my limits so I decided to go. It is very much an emotional decision not to spite the other party but to advocate for your child so to be able to give her the best out of this life. If you don't already know raising a human is costly and I am only talking about the most basic needs. Clothes, shoes, school, and food are costly ,then you add extra curricular activities and entertainment and you just see yourself spending thousands of rands every month. That takes a toll on any parent, add the frustration of a deadbeat then you have the perfect recipe for a nervous breakdown. 

I am not trying to be dramatic but single mothers are struggling everywhere and we don't have the space nor capacity to even explain why. When we do were run the risk of shame and judgement. I promised myself a while back that I will not keep quiet about my struggles, it does not serve me nor the next person. This blog is that space for me. You reading this right now is that space for me. I digress, that fateful day I decided to go there and get the forms I felt like I was doing something wrong. Probably because half the people in my life did not agree with my decision including my partner at the time. I was also a bit anxious about the decision so I never submitted the form until a month later. I submitted the form in December after trying for the umpteenth time to reason with him about the baby's needs and he just responded with a pile of rubbish and told me to send back the little money that he sent and cover all of the baby's needs. He said a lot of hurtful things and to this day I really don't get where the resistance comes from with regards to men fathering and maintaining THEIR CHILDREN. Why is it such a difficult concept to grasp that your child needs to eat and be clothed every single day like you do? why is it so difficult to understand that your child needs money to grow (comfortably) like you do? I don't think I will ever understand that in fact, it is unfathomable to me.  There's a lump in my throat as I am typing this and I just knew I would be triggered.

I submitted the form alongside my bank statement for 3 months, a copy of my daughter's certificate and my Identity document, don't judge me I still have the green book. They gave me a date which was 19 January 2022. During that time the other party wasn't cooperating at all so it fuelled my motivation for the maintenance process.  As the days passed I grew increasingly anxious. I had no idea what was going to happen in court and I think that's what made it worse. My anxiety is normally rallied by not having enough information about pending situations. Closer to the date I went on Mandisa Ndlangisa's Youtube page and rewatched her maintenance videos. I decided that was enough information. I never want to overload my brain with too much information or options, I find that it creates a loop of anxiety for me. Too much or too little just tips the scale for me.

The day finally came and I prayed about it multiple times, that's how nervous I was. I got there at 8 am sharp and waited like everybody else. I looked around and realised that he wasn't there. I thought to myself maybe he will come a bit later or maybe he was deliberately trying to make this process as painful as possible by simply not pitching. I waited alongside other single mothers fighting for the same thing. That place is depressing. Seeing mothers like that, some come with their kids because they have no place to leave them and then seeing the fathers walk past their kids like they do not exist breaks my heart every single time. It happens every time. It's weird how we all bond over trauma there. The minute you sit down there is always someone ready to share their story or listen to yours. It's not difficult to relate because you are all going through the same struggles. In the 3 hours I was waiting I got to meet and listen to quite a few stories and it made me realise how much of a pandemic deadbeat-ism is and I made a decision that was not on my watch. 

Eventually, when they were finished with the list of parents that were both present they started calling in the ones who got stood up for the much-anticipated maintenance date. I got in and the maintenance officer explained that the other party wasn't served hence why he was not present that day. Apparently, because I elected not to serve him the process could delay. Let me explain to you why I elected the court to serve him. This man lives +100kms away I don't have the time nor petrol to drive there. When you serve him you have to have a policemen present so I'd have to go to SAPS and get the popo first and the thought just traumatised me. I have never had good encounters with police, especially with domestic issues like this so I chose peace and elected that they serve him. What is a government process without any delays or issues? It was expected but I didn't expect to be that upset. I thought to myself we haven't even formally started the process and I'm already emotionally taxed. I forged on and asked how I could help to fast track the process without serving him myself, one lady rudely said I should get the exact address and that would make the process easier. I had so many frustrations around this. Firstly if they didn't have enough information why didn't they bring that up the day I brought the documents? why didn't they call me before the day to postpone? why let me come all the way and wait for 3 dang hours to tell me that they didn't even serve the guy? Why? I quickly used the internet and found an address, filled in the form, submitted and headed back to work. I should have booked leave that day because I was in no mood to work.

A few days later I got a call from maintenance court, they gave me a date for February which was great because it was less than 2 weeks away. I was nervous but I was ready. The day finally arrived and as soon as I got there I saw his face and thanked the maintenance Gods that I don't have to waste half the day there for nothing. After a few delays, we walked into the maintenance officer's room and started the process. The officer asked us why were we there. The next step was to list the child's expenses and figure out who was paying for what in that list. I won't reveal much but It was obvious why we were there. Shen then proceeded to ask for our individual monthly expenses and compared them to our salaries. Then the negotiating process began. " how much more are you willing to pay seeing how much money goes into your child?". Basically, the answer was I don't have enough money. Apparently, men do this a lot at maintenance court. I don't know if it's to frustrate you or the process but seeing it live in action was scary for lack of a better word. With all the facts and numbers in front of you, you still choose to be this person. wild.

When I say it is a negotiation it really is because there is so much back and forth mainly between the maintenance officer and the respondent (mostly deadbeats). I chose to let the officer do most of the talking for me and only chimed in with a few sighs and exclamations when the remarks were getting out of hand and all to run away from the responsibility of being a parent. Again wild. After close to 2 hours we walked out with an interim order.

An interim order is given when the 2 parties, you and the baby daddy, have not reached an agreement in terms of what you have asked for and what he is willing to contribute towards his child's upbringing? It simply states that for the "interim" this is the amount he will pay until you have to meet again in court to revisit the amount. They gave us the subpoena to come to court in about 2 months, this depends on the availability of space and the magistrate. In some instances, if it is not too crowded you get to see the magistrate on that day. Our second meeting was in April. I was so nervous leading to the date because I thought we were going to actual court with the magistrate and the box and all of that court-y stuff. Turns out we were still meeting with the maintenance officer who went through our list of expenses again and made bundles of each for the magistrate. That fateful day we, by chance, got to see the magistrate briefly. She ordered that we return in June because one of us is under debt review so proof needs to be supplied for that.

Personally, I would like for this to end but I still have the capacity to fight. I can still go on but I won't lie and say it is not taxing emotionally and even psychologically. Sometimes I ask myself why I am putting myself through this but on days when the funds are running low and you can't even pay for a nanny or take your baby out for ice cream, you remember your why. The journey continues and I will post the second part after a June court appearance. 

Thanks for reading :) 

I am obsessed with personal finance, I love setting financial goals and smashing them. I don't want to ever be without money or certain material things and I don't want that for my daughter either but these are things you can not run away from, especially as a single parent. For transparency let me clarify what I mean when I say I am a single parent. Langa's dad and I broke up just after she turned a year old.  Having a child put a lot of strain on me and in turn, our relationship which by the way was already crumbling. He lives an hour and some change away but hasn't seen our child in months. He contributes a R1000 monthly which doesn't even cover half of her school fees let alone her expenses for the month. If I am lucky he sends it on time, other months you have to call and remind him. I am the only constant and active parent hence why I identify as a single parent. I am practically doing this alone. If there is a school meeting, which there was just this past week, and I can't make it no one will. If we need anything extra I have to make sure it happens whether financially, physically or even emotionally. Luckily for me, I am very particular about money. This doesn't mean we do not go without but I make sure everything we need is paid for and covered and we have a bit of savings left, here is how:

1. BUDGET! 

Budgeting gives your money a job. Have you ever heard the saying that "idle money is bored money and bored money is gone money"? If you do not give that R100 a job you will spend it on useless things or things you did not intend on. I love budgeting, I do it weekly which helps me have a real-time look at what's happening to my finances. Set a date with your finances, get a pen and paper and write all your income and expenses down. I normally list them according to priority. Rent, school fees, groceries, insurance, petrol etc will be top of the list. It's also easy to start off with these because they are constant and the figures rarely change. I then proceed with variable expenses such as clothes, Langa's extra curriculum activities, fun money for the both of us you get the picture. Write every amount as it is not what you wish it was so you can get a CLEAR indication of what you are dealing with. One thing that killed my budget was not being honest with how much I needed to spend because like it or not money has to be spent and I didn't like it one bit. I can not stress how important budgeting is and not that budget you do in your head just before payday. write it down and see exactly what is happening on paper. 

2. TAKE INVENTORY

Doing your budget allows you to take stock. You can see where your money is going and can thus assess your expenses and spending habits. I know this all sounds so intense but I promise you it will help. When you start seeing your finances for what they really are then you are on your way to doing better. Taking inventory for me normally looks like cutting out things like buying myself clothes, eating out or buying take-outs. I only do this when I'm coming in shot for the month. Taking inventory also means looking into your closet or your baby's closet and getting rid of things that you no longer need and possibly sell or swap with other moms, siblings or friends. This is a great way to make or save money. In 2020 in the thick of lockdown I was unemployed and was applying for jobs almost daily with no luck, I decided to revive the thrifting side hustle. I sold second-hand clothes online and it honestly saved me during that time. It kept me busy and gave me a purpose for those few months. I hate the idea of single moms having side hustles because there is barely enough time for anything especially if you don't have or cannot afford help but if you can try it, it makes a huge difference.  The beautiful thing about having a budget is that you get a chance to take inventory. 

3. PLAN AHEAD

This takes so much energy and time but it is sure worth it. I am a planner by nature, I want to have things set and thought out, sometimes to my own detriment because you can never be sure about the future but you can prepare yourself. I have a yearly budget template that allows me to look at my finances long term-ish. I plan big purchases according to my financial standing. I get paid per hour which means I only get paid for the hours I work every month. I often get anxious about the days I cannot make it to work for one reason or the other, which would mean I won't be earning income for that period. I try and account for all these scenarios so I am not left with a huge gap in my finances. For months when I am going on leave (which is unpaid) I cut down all costs to be able to survive the pay cut. Buying in bulk also helps for months where income is low. I buy cleaning stuff, toiletries and non-perishables in bulk, in that way I don't have to think about these items for a while. I recently got life insurance and am in the process of getting a funeral plan. Plan for your kid's future as well by making sure that they do not go without when you are no longer here. I can not stress this enough. Here is a video on how you can create generational wealth using life insurance.

4. PAY IN ADVANCE OR SETTLE DEBT

In planning ahead if finances allow and there is enough room in your budget you can pay your accounts, bills and essential expenses in advance. This I have yet to try. I am really thinking about paying my daughter's school fees in advance because I am not taking her out of her school anytime soon. It will honestly give me room to breathe and some much-needed peace of mind. I don't know about you but I hate paying bills and more importantly paying them with my own money. Look at items in your budget that you can pay in advance or even better settlement. I am not a fan of debt, I don't appreciate the idea of owing people ad having them debit my account every month. I got rid of most of the debts I had. I do have an account that's active with TFG and I keep convincing myself that I need it because I want to buy homeware stuff but considering the amount I pay every month which includes admin fees and interest I don't rate it's worth it. In essence, you can cut out debt completely by settling accounts and staying out of debt.

5. SAVE

I cannot stress how important this part is. Settling debts can help save money. The less money that leaves your pocket the more money you have to save. Saving is a skill, it's a muscle that you have to build and exercise. Most people are natural spenders, they find it hard to save. As mother money is always leaving your pocket for whatever reason. Raising kids is expensive, no matter which way you look at it. I don't know what I did with my money before having my daughter but now half of it goes to her, making sure she is alive, comfortable and happy. There may not be enough money to save after paying your bills and taking care of your child or children but if there is please save. Save for an emergency fund. That is 3-6months of your expenses including your child's needs. This will save you a great deal of stress when God forbid you to lose your source of income or cannot provide for yourself and your child. Creating a budget will help with this step because you are very clear on your expenses and the amount of money they require. If you do not have enough money to save please consider a less stressful side hustle such as transcribing, surveys, selling online etc. 

6. MAINTENANCE COURT

It took me 4 years to take my daughter's father to maintenance court. We had our first intervention with a maintenance office in February. I say first because we are going back in April for our second meeting with the magistrate. I will actually do a separate blog post detailing the process for someone who is willing or wants to embark on this process. What I can say right now is that up until we go back to court he is providing a significantly higher amount than he was initially. I encourage you, actually, I implore you if you are a single parent and you are having challenges financially please consider going to court. Fight for your child because you are their only advocate. The process can be taxing but I honestly think it can be worth it. 

I hope this helps at least one person. 

Thanks for reading. 

It's only the second week of February and I feel like I am already running out of time. I don't know if it's because I have a ton of things planned for this year, it feels like I  have barely scratched the surface. Last year was the same and the only difference is that last year I didn't do a single thing I set out to do. I didn't tick much off my goals and that really bothered me, at least in the beginning. As 2021 went by I realised that I wasn't going to do any of the things on my vision board so I had to quickly make peace with the fact.

 This year I don't have any excuses, well I do but I'm planning to push past that. A huge chunk, about 80%, of the goals I have this year are from 2021. I am still keen on ticking these things off my list and you know me and lists. This time around I thought I'd bring you along on this journey so you can hold me accountable lol. I need a lot of that. It is possible that I never finish anything I started or rather don't even start because I have no one to be accountable to. In addition to that, I love writing things down or sharing them with people. I have this weird belief that if you put your goals, dreams and wishes out there, make them known and set the intention sometimes the thing you desire has no choice but to happen. That's how I see it and I have seen that happen for me and other people. 

I am going to categorize my goals or resolutions if you'd like for 2022 into 5 different topics. That works better for me because I realised that I could be lacking in one sphere of my life and flourishing in the next so recognising where the lack is helping me understand where I am emotionally and psychologically. I don't feel like my whole life is crumbling, I understand that it's only one part of my life. When you know where the problem is it's much easier to solve it. Am I making sense? I feel like I am making sense. 

Here we go:

Finances

My biggest goal this year is to build back my emergency fund. I used the money to buy a car last year and I don't quite feel comfortable having no emergency fund. This time around I will keep it and only use it for emergencies only. At this moment it is on R0 and I plan to make my first contribution this month. My second goal is to max out my TFSA, tax-free savings account, contributions. I won't be saving this money rather I am investing it using the easy equities app. I am considering going back to my side hustles seeing that I have a helper this year so I have time. The side hustles will mainly be for my investments. I have to do this one and do it early because this is my retirement plan. Last but definitely not least I want to have a healthy relationship with money. I tend to hoard money and I believe that comes from never ever wanting to lack. I want to cultivate abundance, a deep sitted belief that there is more and that there will always be more.

Health

I need my goals to be quantifiable and I don't know how to quantify this part. What I do know is that I want a flat stomach this year or something that closely resembles it. With each day I hate the flabs even more. I am not happy with my body and this is not to say I hate it. I just know that it could be better but in the same breathe I really don't want to lose weight.  In addition to this, I want to eat healthier, the irony is that as I'm typing this I am deep within a fat cake and it's delicious. I really don't know how I'm going to win this struggle. 

Career

Being self-employed and having passive income streams is the only career path I want for myself this year and every year going forward. I am aware that I have to put in the work which sucks but I read something that is motivating me to put in the work just for this year. "IT ONLY TAKES 1 GOOD YEAR TO COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR LIFE...MAKE THIS THE ONE". I intend to do exactly that. I am also working on owning a pharmacy of 2 this year. One of my biggest goals is to improve my writing. I have considered taking up writing courses but I don't want to pay for them so I am looking at getting free courses. Someone once told me that I write the way I speak and I know it wasn't a compliment so I want to change a few things in the way I write. I also created a Youtube channel and would really appreciate it if you subscribed, please and thank you! Link HERE

Leisure

Let me just claim this here and now, I am going to travel Africa this year. Zanzibar, Kenya, Swaziland, Lesotho all of it. I need it, I need to do that for myself. I want to travel locally with my daughter more. I love seeing her get excited by simple things. I did take up swimming so when I am comfortable with the idea of swimming alone I will be going to Sun City with her. Spa dates must also be a thing this year, I want to be a lady this year lol, well at least try. I am also looking into gardening. There is a small patch of dirt that I have been meaning to use and I think it would make a great first-time garden. I just hope my daughter and her friends don't mess it up. 

Spirituality

I want to go back to fellowshipping this year. I miss being in a physical church, I miss praise and worship, I miss everything about the church. There is just something about a room full of praying mouths and hearts that are intentional about being with God, Another goal for this year is to finish the new testament. I started reading the book of Mathew beginning of February and I have been consistent. I am planning of fasting more this year, once a month just to humble the flesh and keep my heart positioned to hear God. 

Reading these back I feel like I should cram a little more into my goals for this year. I think the idea of having a lot of things to do makes me feel good but in the long run, I am setting myself up for failure. I haven't even done half the things I wanted to do let alone come up with ways to do them but I am already looking for more. I am excited to put in the work and see how my life changes. Let's make this the best year of our lives.

Thanks for reading!

Happy New Year everybody! I hope the new year is treating you well so far. Mine is going relatively well. It was my daughter's birthday on the 26th of January. I was just a ball of emotions that day, good and bad. I am so grateful for God's favour in our lives. Honestly, I don't know where I would have been if it was for his love, goodness and mercy. The past 4 years have been such a roller-coaster and some of you have had a front-row seat to the whole journey via this blog. As she turns 4 I look back with so much gratitude. I don't even know how loaded this blog post will be because I blogged most of my experiences last year.

Apparently when they turn 4 the tantrums get better, lol I am yet to see that. She is still throwing tantrums and I am still having a hard time not taking it personally. I know better I just have to do better. I also need to do better with forgiving myself sooner and learning the lesson faster. What do I mean by this? Well on her birthday we were running a bit late for school and work because I was taking pictures and trying to make sure everything for her little party at school was in the car. When we eventually got to school I was rushing through everything and I did scold her a little because she wanted to run after a ballon that was heading straight to traffic. As I drove off from her school I felt a huge weight on my heart, regret, about how I handled the situation. could have been more gentle, more loving at that moment because she didn't know any better. It took a while for me to recover from that. I called the school just to check how she was doing, also to ease my guilty conscience. After that I affirmed myself, I am doing my best and I will do better next time, I forgave myself and took count of all the things I got right that day. 

One thing I am excited about this year was getting help. I got a stay in helper and I don't know why I did not do this sooner because I am in a much better space already. I can focus on being a mom, a present mom and not have to worry about the dishes and the laundry. I don't have to spend all my free time tyding up instead of resting or spending time with my daughter. A lot of people made me feel bad about getting help, a lot of people being the older women I know. They reckon I am being lazy and 1 child does not warrant the help. I disagree of course. I need and want the help. For my sanity, I need to be able to come home and relax and focus on one thing. Parenting is also a full-time job you know so it's not like I get to kick back and not have to worry about a single thing. 

We also moved to a bigger space this year, big enough for the 3 of us. It's a lovely complex and Langa found friends the first day she got there. I am really happy about that because my baby loves to play and she loves being surrounded by other kids. She calls them "abantu bami", her people. There's been a few incidents here and there because kids can be mean but all things considered, I'm happy because she seems happy. One thing I have learnt though is that never get involved in their little squabbles, only when it gets physical which hasn't happened because they always manage to fix their problems soon after the fact and you are just left there confused. Just listen, nod and react accordingly. 

The first few nights in this house she slept in my bed, which she peed in by the way. I wanted her to feel comfortable in the house first before I let her sleep alone in her room. Now the problem is she doesn't want to move back into her own space. She probably sleeps there 3 out of the 7 days and on the other 4 days, she wakes up in the middle of the night to sneak into my bed. I love my daughter right but she is a terrible sleeper. She will sleep on top of you, she doesn't like to be covered by the blanket and she will have all her limbs in 4 different directions. As much as I would love to cuddle her to sleep I need to be able to sleep and relax too. On some nights when I am not exhausted enough to sleep through it I take her back to her bed. It takes a little effort but I get it done. 

I am looking forward to this year especially having free time and weekends to spend with my baby. In hindsight, I don't know how I managed to stay sane last year because it feels so much better this side of life. I sat up one morning and I realised that I am living in one of my prayers right now. The space I am in right now, both physically and mentally, is something I have been thinking about and planning for the whole of 2021. This euphoria I am feeling, I hope it lasts long because I like it here. 

We have come to the end of this post, I want to thank you all for the support you have shown me in 2021. It was a great encouragement. I appreciate every single view, comment and share. I wish you all a great and memorable (in a good way) 2022. 

Thanks for reading 

 1. Moving my daughter to Witbank.

Being an active and invested parent is the most fulfilling thing about parenting. Ice cream dates, movie nights AKA watching cartoons all night, taking her to play all day and having her fall asleep on our way back home. All of that was priceless for me . Having to pray for her when she falls asleep and hearing her shout mommy I love you from her room, nothing could ever have my heart pump custard like that. I am grateful I get to do these things with her and for her . We got her first report a month ago and it was the cutest thing . I can't wait to see the grace that 2022 has in store for us . 

2. Helping mom pay off her bond.

I wanted to do a lot for my mother like I had mentioned in my 30 before 30 post. A new house for her would have been the most ideal but finances and resources sometimes do not align and you just have to do what you can . What I could do was help her pay off her home loan . It felt really good to be able to do that for her and I am really glad I got to do it .

3. Buying my dream car.

I had an accident in April 2020 when I was driving back home from Belfast in the thick of lockdown and my first car which was a KIA got written off . After that I bought another used car and used that for over a year. I didn't like my second car but it worked, worked really well and served the purpose it was bought for . I never had any problems with it but I really wanted to buy another car, a sexier car, one that was age appropriate . I looked for a while until my trip to Durban. I decided I wanted to go to the We buy cars branch in Durban and the moment I saw that car I literally cried, real tears. From the moment I saw it I knew I had to have it . I just knew . So I took all my savings, traded in the car I had and after spending the whole day at that branch trying to solve every curveball thrown my way I drove off with my car. I love that car.

4.My relationship with God.

The word I got this year from God was ANCHORED. This was echoed by an online church I virtually attend. I really feel like I got to be anchored and rooted in God this year. Many times I had to run back to Him, to His word and His promises. I got reminded who He really is in my life . Even in the darkest of times I knew I had an anchor holding me down , holding me still so I don't get swept away by the waves of sadness, depression and troubles. The one verse that kept coming up time and time again this year was Proverbs 18vs10 "The Name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run into it and are safe" . I meditated a lot on that verse , it was in another way an anchor for my soul . 

5.Durban girl's trip

My friends and I planned a trip to Durban to unwind and to catch up because everyone is always busy we rarely have time to see each other . Almost all of us are away from home, we have jobs and some of us have kids. This was a great way for us to make new memories. This trip reminded me of the things I really liked . I like travelling , exploring, making memories, laughing with friends , eating out. I like all of it and I got to be reminded that there is so much life to live. There is so much to be done, to be explored and to be enjoyed. I really had an amazing time.

6.Buying Le Creuset pots.

I was never a person who fussed over brands especially when it comes to kitchenware or cookware but sometime in July '21 I just started obsessing over Le Creuset pots. When I say obsessing I mean I was on their site almost every week looking, plotting on which pot I was going to buy first. When the chance came, the black Friday sale, I searched high and low for funds to buy this pot that had been on my mind for the longest time . They are quite pricey but I was determined . I managed to buy another one soon after the first one so I will be taking a break from Le Creuset for a bit just to recover financially from these purchases. 

7.Acknowledging and accepting SELF.

In the month of November I had a lot of epiphanies . I was going through one of the many dips I had this year and one by one I just started realising things about myself . I realised I don't like being a mother but I don't want to suck at it and it's really important to me to get it right. In addition to that I realised that it's okay to be fully myself , I don't have to be like everybody else. I also realised that I need to die empty. I need to fulfil every desire and purpose I have in me . I never ever want to regret not taking a chance on myself which is why I have been consistent with blogging for the past 5 months or so. I am committing myself to one blog post a month and I have been doing that which makes me really happy. There's nothing that hurts more than when you betray yourself which  is also why I am letting go of relationships and people and that make me feel like I am not  honouring myself . 

8.Going for counselling.

Therapy has been something I wanted to do for a long time, since I graduated and started working I have been planning to start but with no success. I finally took the plunge and booked my first appointment with a counsellor in March. I'll tell you one thing though it is expensive and I did stop in June because I felt like it wasn't helping me much. I was talking about my challenges but I didn't feel like it was doing what I wanted it to do. I went back and introspected and realised I didn't even know what I wanted the counselling to do for me . Now I know and I think it will make things a bit easier for me. I am going back to the same lady because I have already built a rapport with her and I really believe she can help me . 

9.Cultivating gratitude.

This is one is very important , I grasped it for a while and fell off but when I fell off I realised how happy and content I was when I was practising gratitude . Yes it's PRACTICE . You need to that grown that muscle and really cultivate the behaviour. The nice thing about when you do something ,especially something that nourishes your soul, once in a while your spirit nudges you to go back to it because it knows what it needs so I also had those moments where I remembered to just be grateful for the little things and the big things. I remembered that I am still alive and everyday I wake up is a battle half won. I remember that sometimes all I have to do is show up and God takes it from there . I mean this in the most literal sense . There were days when I didn't want to show up for work, nor as a mother but every time I decided to get out of bed God would carry me till the day was over . His grace was sufficient

10. Moving to a bigger space.

On the 1st of December I put in a moving out notice from my 2 bedroom flat and on the 23rd I moved all my things to a 3 bedroom townhouse . I needed a bigger space for all the things I intend to do in 2022. The move was difficult , everything about it was challenging. I didn't even get to unpack before I left for  Christmas holidays at home . Thinking about all the mess that awaits me gives me so much anxiety but knowing that I have officially moved and all the possibilities that await my little family makes me so excited. I can't wait to officially move in and get settled . 

I wish you all nothing but joy and bliss for the remainder of the festive season. I hope the new year is everything you hope for and more . The fact that you are here reading this is a huge blessing, celebrate it!