You can't do it on your own . I tried and failed . I realized you need people, you need extra hands, advice, recommendations and help. You need people who will step in and tell you if you are wrong, you need validation and assurance when you are on the right path . You need people to help you when you can't do it all and be everything for your child . It's difficult to accept help sometimes but it is very necessary in this parenting journey. 

When raising a child you need tons of patience. Patience with self, the baby and sometimes family. After I gave birth I quickly found out that things were not going to be the way I had planned. I was unemployed for the first 7months of Langa's life and it was difficult . I had to hold on , endure the situation and keep hoping for the best . I had to be patient with myself for not knowing a lot of things, I had to be patient with family for offering unsolicited advice, I had to be patient with the baby and the process of adjusting to the way things were becoming. It was a lot .  Everything comes in stages especially when they are still young . There is the teething stage, crawling stage, walking stage and you have to endure it all and be patient with the way things unfold, You literally can't rush it 

It's one thing to have help available to you from family and friends but it's another to actively seek for help . Moving Langa here in January made me quickly realise that I needed help and lots of it . I needed help with the chores in the house, I needed help in a form of day-care and a child minder for when I'm working on weekends . It was a lot but the sooner you get the help the better . When I eventually found a helper, which is a whole different blog post on it's own, I had more time for myself. Finding a professional helper in South Africa in my experience is quite difficult , It's even more of a challenge in places like Witbank where it's not as fast paced as Joburg and the likes but for now I do have help and it's working out well . 

These days it is so difficult to raise a child without money. Everything needs money even getting help requires money . Money gives you and the child access to a better life, better facilities, better care, better resources and better options . Money makes everything better I tell you and I've found that even more true with raising a child . I couldn't even do half of the things I do if I wasn't financially equipped to . I have also realised that having financial support, amongst other things, from the other parent is just as vital . When both parents are financially present and participating it goes a really long way .   

One key thing I realised is that we are all doing our best and we are all on a journey . From the day I found out I was pregnant I started comparing myself to other pregnant ladies on Instagram nogal . Why would I put so much pressure on myself based off people's curated feeds? It was just crazy . It didn't end there though , after giving birth I continued to torture myself by stalking peers who didn't have kids and were living their best lives and starting new jobs, buying cars and travelling while I was at home nursing myself and the baby . After a few weeks I deleted Instagram because it was messing with me on so many levels , I still do delete the app off my phone every now and then when I get this feeling because I will not subject myself to that . I value my peace so much more now. All of this to say we are all different , we are trying our best and don't compare yourself because it's pointless , also it's not a competition . 

I won't lie this is by far the most difficult thing to do for me . It has become increasingly difficult ever since I moved in with Langa because I feel like I don't have enough time to do the things that I want and enjoy . Sometimes when I get a minute I have so much I want to do that I end up being consumed by the anxiety of what to start with and other times I'm just too tired and worn to even do anything so I just sit there and watch the hours pass by . Time management is definitely one area of my life I haven't really fully mastered yet and I'm realising more and more everyday that I need structure , I can't just wing it every time . I am also trying to figure out things like travelling with a toddler or getting games or toys that will help us bond and grow together in addition to filling both us up. You can't pour from an empty cup and when my cup is empty it's difficult to parent .

I have learnt this the hard way , always pack twice the number of nappies, clothes, food etc . I have 2 nannies for weekends just in case the other one is not available . Her day care specifically asked that I pack a pair of extra panties and tights for JUST IN CASE , so if that doesn't affirm the fact that I should always have a contingency for a toddler I don't know what will . 

This should have probably been at the top of the list because it is crucial in the journey of mother hood . I think this might probably be the most special things, amongst other things of course, that motherly instinct .  When you know , you know . The many times I have ignored that feeling I suffered greatly and probably put my baby in unnecessary stress and pain . It wasn't always that loud and clear to me because when you are raising a baby at home with so many experienced voices around you trying to help you don't get to exercise trusting your instincts a lot . sometimes you doubt that inner voice because you are a new mom and your experience is literally non-existent but I've learnt over the years to listen to that voice, to trust that voice and to follow it because sometimes it's a whimper and you need to quieten every other voice and just focus on it . 

This has opened up my eyes to so many things about parenting that I didn't know were out there . Reading prepared me for pregnancy and birth . I stopped reading after giving birth. I just recently started reading up on parenting and I realised I could have saved myself a whole lot of trouble in the past 2-3 years if I just picked up a book on a particular issue I was having a challenge with . I have to make more time for this, reading opens up a whole new world . I also just want my daughter to see me reading . I want her to grow up in a home where books are around and reading is an everyday thing because one huge lesson I have learnt over and above everything I have written here is that children do not do what you say, they do what you do . 

Thanks for reading xx