GIRL ABOUT LIFE BLOG

It's only the second week of February and I feel like I am already running out of time. I don't know if it's because I have a ton of things planned for this year, it feels like I  have barely scratched the surface. Last year was the same and the only difference is that last year I didn't do a single thing I set out to do. I didn't tick much off my goals and that really bothered me, at least in the beginning. As 2021 went by I realised that I wasn't going to do any of the things on my vision board so I had to quickly make peace with the fact.

 This year I don't have any excuses, well I do but I'm planning to push past that. A huge chunk, about 80%, of the goals I have this year are from 2021. I am still keen on ticking these things off my list and you know me and lists. This time around I thought I'd bring you along on this journey so you can hold me accountable lol. I need a lot of that. It is possible that I never finish anything I started or rather don't even start because I have no one to be accountable to. In addition to that, I love writing things down or sharing them with people. I have this weird belief that if you put your goals, dreams and wishes out there, make them known and set the intention sometimes the thing you desire has no choice but to happen. That's how I see it and I have seen that happen for me and other people. 

I am going to categorize my goals or resolutions if you'd like for 2022 into 5 different topics. That works better for me because I realised that I could be lacking in one sphere of my life and flourishing in the next so recognising where the lack is helping me understand where I am emotionally and psychologically. I don't feel like my whole life is crumbling, I understand that it's only one part of my life. When you know where the problem is it's much easier to solve it. Am I making sense? I feel like I am making sense. 

Here we go:

Finances

My biggest goal this year is to build back my emergency fund. I used the money to buy a car last year and I don't quite feel comfortable having no emergency fund. This time around I will keep it and only use it for emergencies only. At this moment it is on R0 and I plan to make my first contribution this month. My second goal is to max out my TFSA, tax-free savings account, contributions. I won't be saving this money rather I am investing it using the easy equities app. I am considering going back to my side hustles seeing that I have a helper this year so I have time. The side hustles will mainly be for my investments. I have to do this one and do it early because this is my retirement plan. Last but definitely not least I want to have a healthy relationship with money. I tend to hoard money and I believe that comes from never ever wanting to lack. I want to cultivate abundance, a deep sitted belief that there is more and that there will always be more.

Health

I need my goals to be quantifiable and I don't know how to quantify this part. What I do know is that I want a flat stomach this year or something that closely resembles it. With each day I hate the flabs even more. I am not happy with my body and this is not to say I hate it. I just know that it could be better but in the same breathe I really don't want to lose weight.  In addition to this, I want to eat healthier, the irony is that as I'm typing this I am deep within a fat cake and it's delicious. I really don't know how I'm going to win this struggle. 

Career

Being self-employed and having passive income streams is the only career path I want for myself this year and every year going forward. I am aware that I have to put in the work which sucks but I read something that is motivating me to put in the work just for this year. "IT ONLY TAKES 1 GOOD YEAR TO COMPLETELY CHANGE YOUR LIFE...MAKE THIS THE ONE". I intend to do exactly that. I am also working on owning a pharmacy of 2 this year. One of my biggest goals is to improve my writing. I have considered taking up writing courses but I don't want to pay for them so I am looking at getting free courses. Someone once told me that I write the way I speak and I know it wasn't a compliment so I want to change a few things in the way I write. I also created a Youtube channel and would really appreciate it if you subscribed, please and thank you! Link HERE

Leisure

Let me just claim this here and now, I am going to travel Africa this year. Zanzibar, Kenya, Swaziland, Lesotho all of it. I need it, I need to do that for myself. I want to travel locally with my daughter more. I love seeing her get excited by simple things. I did take up swimming so when I am comfortable with the idea of swimming alone I will be going to Sun City with her. Spa dates must also be a thing this year, I want to be a lady this year lol, well at least try. I am also looking into gardening. There is a small patch of dirt that I have been meaning to use and I think it would make a great first-time garden. I just hope my daughter and her friends don't mess it up. 

Spirituality

I want to go back to fellowshipping this year. I miss being in a physical church, I miss praise and worship, I miss everything about the church. There is just something about a room full of praying mouths and hearts that are intentional about being with God, Another goal for this year is to finish the new testament. I started reading the book of Mathew beginning of February and I have been consistent. I am planning of fasting more this year, once a month just to humble the flesh and keep my heart positioned to hear God. 

Reading these back I feel like I should cram a little more into my goals for this year. I think the idea of having a lot of things to do makes me feel good but in the long run, I am setting myself up for failure. I haven't even done half the things I wanted to do let alone come up with ways to do them but I am already looking for more. I am excited to put in the work and see how my life changes. Let's make this the best year of our lives.

Thanks for reading!

Happy New Year everybody! I hope the new year is treating you well so far. Mine is going relatively well. It was my daughter's birthday on the 26th of January. I was just a ball of emotions that day, good and bad. I am so grateful for God's favour in our lives. Honestly, I don't know where I would have been if it was for his love, goodness and mercy. The past 4 years have been such a roller-coaster and some of you have had a front-row seat to the whole journey via this blog. As she turns 4 I look back with so much gratitude. I don't even know how loaded this blog post will be because I blogged most of my experiences last year.

Apparently when they turn 4 the tantrums get better, lol I am yet to see that. She is still throwing tantrums and I am still having a hard time not taking it personally. I know better I just have to do better. I also need to do better with forgiving myself sooner and learning the lesson faster. What do I mean by this? Well on her birthday we were running a bit late for school and work because I was taking pictures and trying to make sure everything for her little party at school was in the car. When we eventually got to school I was rushing through everything and I did scold her a little because she wanted to run after a ballon that was heading straight to traffic. As I drove off from her school I felt a huge weight on my heart, regret, about how I handled the situation. could have been more gentle, more loving at that moment because she didn't know any better. It took a while for me to recover from that. I called the school just to check how she was doing, also to ease my guilty conscience. After that I affirmed myself, I am doing my best and I will do better next time, I forgave myself and took count of all the things I got right that day. 

One thing I am excited about this year was getting help. I got a stay in helper and I don't know why I did not do this sooner because I am in a much better space already. I can focus on being a mom, a present mom and not have to worry about the dishes and the laundry. I don't have to spend all my free time tyding up instead of resting or spending time with my daughter. A lot of people made me feel bad about getting help, a lot of people being the older women I know. They reckon I am being lazy and 1 child does not warrant the help. I disagree of course. I need and want the help. For my sanity, I need to be able to come home and relax and focus on one thing. Parenting is also a full-time job you know so it's not like I get to kick back and not have to worry about a single thing. 

We also moved to a bigger space this year, big enough for the 3 of us. It's a lovely complex and Langa found friends the first day she got there. I am really happy about that because my baby loves to play and she loves being surrounded by other kids. She calls them "abantu bami", her people. There's been a few incidents here and there because kids can be mean but all things considered, I'm happy because she seems happy. One thing I have learnt though is that never get involved in their little squabbles, only when it gets physical which hasn't happened because they always manage to fix their problems soon after the fact and you are just left there confused. Just listen, nod and react accordingly. 

The first few nights in this house she slept in my bed, which she peed in by the way. I wanted her to feel comfortable in the house first before I let her sleep alone in her room. Now the problem is she doesn't want to move back into her own space. She probably sleeps there 3 out of the 7 days and on the other 4 days, she wakes up in the middle of the night to sneak into my bed. I love my daughter right but she is a terrible sleeper. She will sleep on top of you, she doesn't like to be covered by the blanket and she will have all her limbs in 4 different directions. As much as I would love to cuddle her to sleep I need to be able to sleep and relax too. On some nights when I am not exhausted enough to sleep through it I take her back to her bed. It takes a little effort but I get it done. 

I am looking forward to this year especially having free time and weekends to spend with my baby. In hindsight, I don't know how I managed to stay sane last year because it feels so much better this side of life. I sat up one morning and I realised that I am living in one of my prayers right now. The space I am in right now, both physically and mentally, is something I have been thinking about and planning for the whole of 2021. This euphoria I am feeling, I hope it lasts long because I like it here. 

We have come to the end of this post, I want to thank you all for the support you have shown me in 2021. It was a great encouragement. I appreciate every single view, comment and share. I wish you all a great and memorable (in a good way) 2022. 

Thanks for reading 

 1. Moving my daughter to Witbank.

Being an active and invested parent is the most fulfilling thing about parenting. Ice cream dates, movie nights AKA watching cartoons all night, taking her to play all day and having her fall asleep on our way back home. All of that was priceless for me . Having to pray for her when she falls asleep and hearing her shout mommy I love you from her room, nothing could ever have my heart pump custard like that. I am grateful I get to do these things with her and for her . We got her first report a month ago and it was the cutest thing . I can't wait to see the grace that 2022 has in store for us . 

2. Helping mom pay off her bond.

I wanted to do a lot for my mother like I had mentioned in my 30 before 30 post. A new house for her would have been the most ideal but finances and resources sometimes do not align and you just have to do what you can . What I could do was help her pay off her home loan . It felt really good to be able to do that for her and I am really glad I got to do it .

3. Buying my dream car.

I had an accident in April 2020 when I was driving back home from Belfast in the thick of lockdown and my first car which was a KIA got written off . After that I bought another used car and used that for over a year. I didn't like my second car but it worked, worked really well and served the purpose it was bought for . I never had any problems with it but I really wanted to buy another car, a sexier car, one that was age appropriate . I looked for a while until my trip to Durban. I decided I wanted to go to the We buy cars branch in Durban and the moment I saw that car I literally cried, real tears. From the moment I saw it I knew I had to have it . I just knew . So I took all my savings, traded in the car I had and after spending the whole day at that branch trying to solve every curveball thrown my way I drove off with my car. I love that car.

4.My relationship with God.

The word I got this year from God was ANCHORED. This was echoed by an online church I virtually attend. I really feel like I got to be anchored and rooted in God this year. Many times I had to run back to Him, to His word and His promises. I got reminded who He really is in my life . Even in the darkest of times I knew I had an anchor holding me down , holding me still so I don't get swept away by the waves of sadness, depression and troubles. The one verse that kept coming up time and time again this year was Proverbs 18vs10 "The Name of the Lord is a strong tower. The righteous run into it and are safe" . I meditated a lot on that verse , it was in another way an anchor for my soul . 

5.Durban girl's trip

My friends and I planned a trip to Durban to unwind and to catch up because everyone is always busy we rarely have time to see each other . Almost all of us are away from home, we have jobs and some of us have kids. This was a great way for us to make new memories. This trip reminded me of the things I really liked . I like travelling , exploring, making memories, laughing with friends , eating out. I like all of it and I got to be reminded that there is so much life to live. There is so much to be done, to be explored and to be enjoyed. I really had an amazing time.

6.Buying Le Creuset pots.

I was never a person who fussed over brands especially when it comes to kitchenware or cookware but sometime in July '21 I just started obsessing over Le Creuset pots. When I say obsessing I mean I was on their site almost every week looking, plotting on which pot I was going to buy first. When the chance came, the black Friday sale, I searched high and low for funds to buy this pot that had been on my mind for the longest time . They are quite pricey but I was determined . I managed to buy another one soon after the first one so I will be taking a break from Le Creuset for a bit just to recover financially from these purchases. 

7.Acknowledging and accepting SELF.

In the month of November I had a lot of epiphanies . I was going through one of the many dips I had this year and one by one I just started realising things about myself . I realised I don't like being a mother but I don't want to suck at it and it's really important to me to get it right. In addition to that I realised that it's okay to be fully myself , I don't have to be like everybody else. I also realised that I need to die empty. I need to fulfil every desire and purpose I have in me . I never ever want to regret not taking a chance on myself which is why I have been consistent with blogging for the past 5 months or so. I am committing myself to one blog post a month and I have been doing that which makes me really happy. There's nothing that hurts more than when you betray yourself which  is also why I am letting go of relationships and people and that make me feel like I am not  honouring myself . 

8.Going for counselling.

Therapy has been something I wanted to do for a long time, since I graduated and started working I have been planning to start but with no success. I finally took the plunge and booked my first appointment with a counsellor in March. I'll tell you one thing though it is expensive and I did stop in June because I felt like it wasn't helping me much. I was talking about my challenges but I didn't feel like it was doing what I wanted it to do. I went back and introspected and realised I didn't even know what I wanted the counselling to do for me . Now I know and I think it will make things a bit easier for me. I am going back to the same lady because I have already built a rapport with her and I really believe she can help me . 

9.Cultivating gratitude.

This is one is very important , I grasped it for a while and fell off but when I fell off I realised how happy and content I was when I was practising gratitude . Yes it's PRACTICE . You need to that grown that muscle and really cultivate the behaviour. The nice thing about when you do something ,especially something that nourishes your soul, once in a while your spirit nudges you to go back to it because it knows what it needs so I also had those moments where I remembered to just be grateful for the little things and the big things. I remembered that I am still alive and everyday I wake up is a battle half won. I remember that sometimes all I have to do is show up and God takes it from there . I mean this in the most literal sense . There were days when I didn't want to show up for work, nor as a mother but every time I decided to get out of bed God would carry me till the day was over . His grace was sufficient

10. Moving to a bigger space.

On the 1st of December I put in a moving out notice from my 2 bedroom flat and on the 23rd I moved all my things to a 3 bedroom townhouse . I needed a bigger space for all the things I intend to do in 2022. The move was difficult , everything about it was challenging. I didn't even get to unpack before I left for  Christmas holidays at home . Thinking about all the mess that awaits me gives me so much anxiety but knowing that I have officially moved and all the possibilities that await my little family makes me so excited. I can't wait to officially move in and get settled . 

I wish you all nothing but joy and bliss for the remainder of the festive season. I hope the new year is everything you hope for and more . The fact that you are here reading this is a huge blessing, celebrate it!

 the practice of training people to obey rules or a code of behaviour, using punishment to correct disobedience.

The one thing that I love about having a community of women around me is the wealth of knowledge and advice you get in abundance and it's almost always relatable, accurate and relevant . Sometimes unsolicited but there comes a point in your life where you look back and think "mamma was right" or "I should have listened to my aunt" or "I wish my gran would offer some words of wisdom right now" . Am I right or AM I RIGHT? . I wish they made a compilation of those nuggets of wisdom for me so I could go back and reference when needed. I have gone through moments when I felt like I wish life had a manual specific to me and often times we do in a form of our elders and the women in our lives maybe it's just not packaged the way I want it to be. So in the spirit of sharing knowledge and wisdom here are 10 things I want my daughter to know, grasp and understand :

1. The world is your oyster . You can literally be and do whatever you to do in this world. 

The world is full of so much possibility, there is literally nothing we cannot do right now. The resources are there, the time is there. Whatever you will you can achieve. There is nothing out of your reach. Just trust and believe.

2. Let God be the anchor of your life, everything else is fleeting.

There are plenty of other gods out there all wanting to be worshipped but there is only one true God. He stands undefeated. He is the only true saviour and above Him there can be no other . I have seen Him work in my life, even your existence is purely a blessing from Him. His grace has brought you and I to this very moment. In moments when I thought I would not make it, in moments when I doubted my abilities and lost all hope and patience He came in a restored me and gave me grace to try again , grace to parent, grace to press on and persevere. There is literally no greater gift then the love of Christ. Stay close to Him.

3. Stay humble

There is nothing to be gained from being pompous. If you fail to be humble , God will humble you and trust me you do not want that. Unkulunkulu ubathanda bonke abantu bakhe (God loves all His people equally). 

4. Stay true to self

Never ever lose yourself just to please people, it's a big price to pay. Once you know who you are and what you stand for stick to it by all means. Sometimes people will be disappointed by your decisions and your life choices including me, that's okay. Let them be disappointed, you will have no one to account for your life except you so make sure that you understand why you do the things you do, try be considerate of other people's feeling but understand that you cannot please everyone . 

5. "He is not the sun, you are"

This is a qoute from my all time favourite medical Tv show , Greys anatomy . I will make you watch it one day, great show ! Dr Yang was telling Dr Grey that her beloved husband is not the sun, he is not be all end all of her life, she is. Remember this with every relationship you go into. You are the sun , you are where it starts and where it ends be it the joy or the sorrow in the relationship. It's about you (selfish I know but trust me). In addition know this, you are the chooser , you are the one that gets to choose the guy you want to be with so choose wisely my baby. 

6. Gratitude

Personally it took me a while to get this but be grateful for all that you have . God loves a grateful heart and my theory is He blesses a thankful heart. So be filled with gladness for all the things you have no matter how little because if you can be glad and grateful for the little you have and take good care of it I believe God will bless you with more and you'll be able to be grateful for that too. there's nothing more displeasing that a heart that is never fulfilled. Thank God for His grace and pray for a grateful heart.

7. Read.

Pick up a book once or twice . It will literally change your life, it changed mine. 

8. The world is more kinder to men, Life is unfair 

The scales favour men, you will see this just don't be shocked . Men literally get away with murder . Accept it and try not let it get to you as much as it gets to me. Enjoy your life even in this reality. It's imperative that you do . 

9. Have a plan but be flexible.

Plan out the big things like what career you want to pursue, which university you want to go to, how you want to live your life. The finer details will be revealed to you as you go that's where the flexibility comes in, it won't always look like the picture in your head. As long as the bigger picture is still in frame then I think you will be alright. don't forget to make space for God to move in your life as well. 

10. Learn to say NO and mean it .

I spent a huge chunk of my life people pleasing, doing things I knew I didn't want to do, and hanging around people I didn't like very much and it got me nothing but heartache and regret. Save yourself the stress and say no when you mean it . Lol I can already tell you are good at that so don't let the world corrupt you because we are very good at killing the innocence of a child , Remember NO is a full sentence. Sometimes you might have to stand your ground but do it with the utmost respect and humility. 

NOTE: You are PERFECT just the way you are RIGHT NOW. You are literally everything I want you to be , smart, funny, outspoken, decisive, strong willed, empowered and lovely. Nothing missing, nothing broken. You deserve nothing but the best that this life has to offer and even from me . Never lose your light and your sense of wonder infact I'd say stay child like, it's a gift . 

PS. I hope this blog survives long enough for her to read it herself .